Alone but not lonely: The science of solitude

At times, I relish being by myself and stepping back from all the whirl of activity around me to enjoy some quiet and stillness. This desire to be alone doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely, because you can feel lonely even when you’re with someone else. An occasional and conscious decision to break away for some “me time” can create inner peace and help preserve one’s sanity and positive mental health, even if it’s just sitting alone to read a good book at a crowded coffee shop.

Thuy-vy Nguyen, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Durham in the U.K., has published more than a dozen research papers where she defines solitude as “time spent alone, not interacting with people, either in person or remotely.”

Nguyen’s work focuses on unstructured solitude or alone time that does not involve doing chores, running errands, streaming K-dramas, or other distractions. While not everyone is comfortable doing nothing, she says that those who tend to value solitude can gain a lot from it.

Calm stress and emotional arousal

Whether we have pleasant or unpleasant feelings, undistracted alone time can turn down the volume or intensity of whatever we’re feeling, where even just 15 minutes of solitary time can induce an “emotion regulation” or calming effect. This is helpful when you’re trying to wind down before bedtime, make a big decision, or are angry or upset, with the possibility of heightened emotions becoming counterproductive.

Rest and relaxation opportunity

Doing something you enjoy by yourself, such as cultivating a hobby, can be recharging and is a good way to unwind. So is stepping away or taking a breather from our significant others. Even when having fun on a trip with family or friends, I would sometimes go for a walk on my own, to quietly enjoy and savor the beauty of the surrounding scenery without anyone or anything to distract me. Even taking short, quiet breaks at work, armed with your favorite beverage and cellphone on silent mode, can be a welcome opportunity to destress.

Enhance creativity and support metacognition

Spending time alone can be a great way to get to know yourself better and increase metacognition, a greater awareness of one’s thought processes. Many scientists, artists, and inventors have created masterpieces or revolutionary new ideas through prolonged periods of undistracted solitude. Sometimes, while lying in bed, staring into space and doing nothing, I get lost in my own thoughts and am rewarded with “aha moments” that have drawn out some of my best recommendations or solutions for projects and challenges.

Foster independent thinking

Being around others and listening to their opinions can influence one’s thinking and make it difficult to create your own viewpoint. Undistracted alone time can help us sort out and make sense of the information and advice we are constantly being bombarded with.

How to get started

Start embracing solitude by cutting down on online time and taking in your surroundings with mindfulness instead. Consider having a fixed number of hours each day to stay offline. Once comfortable with this practice, go further and set longer limits, like a full 24 hours at least once a week, to be more present with yourself. Use time away from social media and online streaming to indulge in self-care or focus on a personal task you’ve long wanted to do but never gotten around to starting, such as decluttering, trying out a new recipe, or creating scrapbooks and files for mementos.

The next time you feel overwhelmed in any way, consider getting some alone time—it is definitely an essential and excellent habit and life skill to develop. Of course, this does not invalidate the need and importance of engaging in social interactions and maintaining close personal relationships. We actually need to create a healthy balance for both.

Source: www.philstar.com