Dear Ate Zenie,

I am writing about my seaman husband, Ralph. I have no problems with him since he is a responsible husband, faithful and a good provider. My only complaint is that he doesn’t tell me whenever he sends money to his parents.

This is always the cause of our tampuhan. He told me he kept it as a secret because he knew I would not approve of it.

To be honest, I don’t mind if he sends money to his parents. I understand that his parents rely on him for financial support and that they have no one else to turn to. That’s why as long as we have extra money, we would help them.

I just want him to respect me as his wife. How can I tell him this without hurting his feelings? I don’t want him to think that I am selfish when it comes to his family.

Thanks

Marga

Dear Marga,

You mentioned that Ralph hides the fact that he sends money to his parents because he feels you will not approve of it. Have you asked him why he feels that way? Maybe you have said or done something that made him think that you didn’t want him to offer financial help to his parents.

My only advice is to take initiative in helping your in laws. Be the one to remind Ralph that his parents need money. If he sees your concern to his family, he wouldn’t think that you don’t want to help his parents. And the next time he sends money to his parents, he will no longer keep it from you.

Maybe he thinks that whenever you ask him if he gives money to his parents, you are opposing it. Be it known to your husband that you don’t mind if he sends money to them, you just want to know what he does because as a wife, you feel you deserve to know.

Also, talk to your in-laws. Don’t be aloof to them. If your husband sees that you are getting along well with his family, he would soon be open about the help he is doing to them.

Be reminded that everything should be done in moderation. In a kind and gentle way, inform your husband that you also need to save for your own future. Tell him it’s okay to help his family, as long as you allot something for your future, and your children’s future.

Hope I was able to help you.