Dear Ate Zenie,

Just call me Melay and I am 21 years old. Jong has been my neighbor since we were in high school and he started courting me a few weeks ago.

From the start, my parents told me that they didn't want Jong for me. They said that Jong comes from a broken family and that his father has many mistresses. They feared that Jong would be like his father.

Even my friends think that I am too good for him. The first time they saw him, they sensed something was wrong with him. Maybe because Jong is two years younger than I am and they feel he is still immature. Or maybe because he smokes and drinks, and loves to go out with his friends. They say that a guy like him would only make me cry in the end. The thing is, I am starting to fall in love with Jong but I don't know if our relationship would prosper. How will I know if he's worth fighting for?

Melay

Dear Melay,

Before you enter a relationship, ask yourself if you are really in love with Jong. Maybe you just feel resentments towards your parents and disobeying them gives you a feeling of fulfillment. Or maybe, you want to prove to your friends that you can't let them rule your life. Sometimes, the idea of "you and me against the world" is so appealing because this challenges you to show them that they could be wrong.

If you are sure that you love Jong, and you really want to have him as your boyfriend, picture the possible consequences of your decision. Can you bear the constant nagging of your mother or the cold shoulder treatment of your father? Would you like your boyfriend to be always intimidated and uncomfortable whenever he's with your parents or when there is a family gathering? Or if you intend to keep your relationship a secret, how long can you hide it from your parents? Can you take the guilt?

And whether you like it or not, being with him means spending less time with your friends because they couldn't get along. Will he be able to fill the void? Are times spent with him worthy enough to miss out the gimmicks with your barkada? And until when will you be willing to sound like a lawyer, defending him each time your friends ask, "Anong nakita mo sa kanya?" And are you ready to hear, "I told you so," and "Don't say we didn't warn you" when things don't turn out the way you want them to be?

I can't tell you what to do, Melay, because that is your life. You have to make the decision yourself. Are you willing to take the risk? This is indeed a challenge for you. It would be a feat when you prove to them that he is not who they think he is. You know Jong more, you alone can tell if he really is worth fighting for.