Dear Ate Zenie,

I am a mother to two boys and one girl. My eldest son is 15 and is in junior high school while my younger son is 13. My daughter is 10 years old. I have known all my sons’ friends because we live in one neighborhood. But lately, I notice that my eldest son is going out with new sets of friends.

His new friends wear weird clothes and have earrings. I know that most of the kids now have earrings but I just find it odd that my son deserted his old friends for these new “weird” friends.

I also notice that my son always goes out with his new friends and that he comes home late at night. I am worried about my son. I want to warn him about his friends but he might take it wrongly. I want to protect him but I don’t want him to think that I don’t trust him. What should I do, Ate Zenie?

Thanks

Rissa

Dear Rissa,

It is difficult for a parent to decide when to intervene in a child’s social life. You can’t rely on mere intuitions or “kutob” in interfering. Adolescence is the time of experimenting and adjusting. Maybe your son wants new friends because he thinks his old friends are boring or that he doesn’t get along with his old group.

Have you asked yourself why you disapprove of your son’s new friends? Aside from the reasons you mentioned, are there other things causing you to get worried? Do you disapprove of them because of the “stereotypes” like their clothes, the body piercing, etc? Wearing weird clothes, having body piercing, and going to parties don’t mean that your son is in a wrong crowd. It’s not right to judge your son’s friends by the way they dress or talk.

If his friends have caused troubles before, just be wary but don’t fret. Keep an eye on your son. You can tell your son that you are not comfortable with his friends but don’t tell him to stop seeing them again. Just let him know you’re worried about him and that it bothers you that he hangs out with these kinds of people. But then, assure him that you trust his decision and that you know he will always keep in mind the values that you taught him.

It is normal to worry about your son’s friends. But then, trust your son and know that he is mature enough to decide for himself. You can’t dictate him what to do. Let your child pick his or her own friends and teach him the value of responsibility by letting him be accountable for his own behavior.

Ate Zenie