Dear Ate Zenie,

I am a seaman and this is my first time to be at sea. I will be away for six months before I can go back to the country. And then, I will be away for two years on my next assignment. Aside from my wife, I will be leaving my 4-year-old son and a 15-month-old daughter.

I'm concerned about the effect this will have on my children. Will they forget me when I'm away? And will they even know who I am when I return? I am afraid that when I come back, they will not recognize me anymore. What will I do, Ate Zenie?

Jim

Dear Jim,

Don't worry. Your children won't forget you. But, you shouldn't feel that your presence is not needed while you're away. You can do things to ensure that your presence is felt during your long-distance absence. When you return to the Philippines, plant memories before you leave. The more you interact with both of your children now, the more they'll remember you while you're gone. Take over the bedtime ritual with your 4-year-old. In fact, take over as many parenting duties as you can before you leave. Hold your baby a lot, and let her fall asleep on your chest. Wear her around the house in a carrier or sling, and take walks with her.

It is also important to encourage your wife to talk about you while you're gone. Your wife can even try setting your place at the table to remind the kids of you. And most importantly, always keep in touch while you're away. Send e-mails, videos, photos, and call your family often. Use technology to your advantage. Without going into details, take the mystery out of why you're not home by telling your 4-year-old what you're doing. When you return, expect to spend a few weeks reconnecting with your children, and don't take it personally if you initially get a bit of the cold shoulder. Within days or weeks your children will shower you with affection and show their joy at having you back.

Ate Zenie